WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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