Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
