so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
