I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
