For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I currently don't understand fingers.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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