she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
