Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
