i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
