my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
