There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
