I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he's gonorrhea incarnate
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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