I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
