The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
