it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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