it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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