He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize