so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
