I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
