You can't motorboat a personality
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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