i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
