we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize