what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i dont even know how to be here
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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