i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Two words: nipple clamps
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