This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
