I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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