Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize