:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
