We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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