I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
