you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
