I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
