Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
