No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
