so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
