you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
