3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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