great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
