Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
