So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
