3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize