mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
