Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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