oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
