sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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