in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
