Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
