quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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