I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
