Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
