Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize