Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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