I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
