as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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