I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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