Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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