Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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