apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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