Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
