Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
