sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
