apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize