So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
