hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
