then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
