I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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