The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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