just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
