Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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