That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
