Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
