remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
