roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
