I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
