The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
