Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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