Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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