Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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