hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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