I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
