The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
