Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
