so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
