wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize