Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
