did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize