get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
