We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
