I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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