Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
