omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
there was a trapeze. enough said
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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