Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
