I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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