Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
