Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
