New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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