Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
