i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize