I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she pinky promised me she was 18
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
