My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
