take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize