U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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