and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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