I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You can't motorboat a personality
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
