great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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