So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
These tits shall not be calmed
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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