Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
