its not stalking. its research.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize