areolas are like halos for boobs.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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