How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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