i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
