we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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