Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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