I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
