Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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