Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
