Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
