I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
