she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
